How to Brainwash Yourself To Be Confident

Someone recently told me they hope to gain my level of confidence one day.

I was flattered but mostly amused. I still remember blacking out during a meeting because I was so nervous to talk in front of a few executives. My manager had to physically shake me back to reality after I’ve gone quiet for too long.

Today, I genuinely believe I can do anything I set my mind to.

So, how did I go from blacking out to speaking in front of thousands of people, leveling up into a VP role, and quitting my job to start a business without guarantees?

It’s simple. I brainwashed myself to be confident, and you can do it too.

You Can’t Talk Yourself Into Being Confident

The hardest part about developing confidence is letting go of who you are and stepping into the next version of yourself. This process is scary because you don’t know who that person will be or how you will feel when you get there.

Brainwashing myself to become confident came with growing pains and setbacks, but looking back, it was all worth it. If you are eager to develop your confidence, you need to know it’s a process. It takes time. You can’t tell yourself, “Be more confident,” and expect it to work.

But if you practice confidence for a long enough time, you’ll become confident. The key is to stay consistent.

5 Practices That Build Confidence

After that blackout, I felt defeated. Much of my work required speaking with executives, and if I couldn’t do that well, I thought I had no future. Obviously, that was an exaggeration, but it felt like the end of the world

It’s called catastrophizing. When you take one event and magnify its impact to catastrophic proportions, your brain creates this worst-case scenario to keep you in your comfort zone, but you can actually use it to your advantage.

Human beings are motivated by two things: increasing joy or reducing pain. That means you can use your pain to create motivation. All it takes is changing your frame of reference.

1. Create a Feared future

Imagine a future so bad that you would do anything to avoid it.

I imagined losing my job, my team, and my reputation. I imagined never becoming “successful” on my terms, which meant a six-figure salary, expert status, and recognition.

I was unwilling to accept this future, so I asked myself: what can I do to guarantee I will never get there?

Instead of beating myself up, I asked for more opportunities to speak. I practiced like crazy and eventually got so good that my manager started sending me to these meetings alone.

2. Fight ANTs

ANTs are Automatic Negative Thoughts, and we all have them. “I’m not good enough,” “it will never work,” “they think I’m….”.

I had a serious case of ANTs when trying to level up into a Director role. I had been interviewing for six months, amassing an impressive 17 rejections. At that point, I started questioning myself. Maybe I wasn’t as good as I thought. Self-doubt crept in, and I was about to give up. But then I learned something that blew my mind.

I learned that our thoughts are not facts. They are just stories we tell ourselves. And if that is the case, I don’t have to believe what I think. I can choose to tell myself a better story.

So I did. Instead of telling myself I’m not good enough and no one will hire me for the role, I changed my inner monologue to: I may not be good enough yet, but what can I do to qualify myself or make them see I am ready?

When these thoughts start showing up: 1) Acknowledge them, 2) Challenge their validity, and 3) Tell yourself a better story.

3. Change your environment

After almost a decade in corporate, being recognized as a high achiever, and leveling up several times, I was told by a senior leader that I wasn’t good enough. It was a shock that threw me into a spin. I started questioning everything, working double time to prove myself, and constantly looking for reassurance. The result was the exact opposite of what I wanted. I became more and more insecure.

But something didn’t add up. I’ve been respected my entire career. Were all these people lying to me? Did I suddenly become bad at my job? That seemed improbable.

So, I contacted past colleagues, managers, and employees, and they all thought this feedback was BS.

There was nothing wrong with me; I was just in the wrong place. A few months later, I left and got a more senior job at Microsoft, with better pay and greater scope.

Confidence needs feeding. If your environment is feeding you insecurity, move. You deserve better.

4. Do hard things A few years later, I found myself in a new country with no reputation. I wanted to become a CMO, but job hunting for executive roles without a network was challenging. But then I reminded myself that it’s not supposed to be easy. If it were easy, everyone would do it.

I started reaching out to VPs on LinkedIn to build my network. It was so uncomfortable that I think it took me a week to send my first message, but I did it anyway. A few months later, I was offered an opportunity to speak at an industry conference. I was terrified by the thought of speaking in front of a big audience, especially since English is my second language, but I did it anyway.

Those two uncomfortable actions helped me develop the confidence that eventually landed me the VP role I wanted.

Doing hard things is good for us. It helps build our confidence and forces us to get out of our comfort zone. If we do it enough, it becomes a habit. You learn to embrace the challenge.

5. Raise your standards

Fear is the silent killer of success. So many of us are competent enough to achieve our goals, but fear stops us from even trying. Too often, we choose to downgrade our dreams so we don’t feel like we’ve failed. When the bar is lower, it is easier to reach. But it also means you let fear win.

The antidote is simple: set a high bar. This is what I decided to use:

“If it does not defy the laws of physics, it can be done.”

It works because you can’t argue with logic.

Thought: I don’t think I can get the promotion.

My inner goddess: Why? Does it defy the laws of physics?

Thought: No…but…

My inner goddess: Then there is no reason you can’t do it. You just need to figure out how.

I set this standard in stone, and it serves as my north star to this day. I still teach it inside Success Builders to show my students what they are capable of.

Your confidence won’t grow without challenges. Raise your standards and go after what you want, not what you think you can get.

Your next steps

When I say I brainwashed myself to be confident, I really mean it. All of this work was internal. Unshakable confidence doesn’t come from charisma or status. It comes from managing your own thoughts so they don’t stand in your way.

Every time you feel doubt or catch yourself thinking you can’t do something, remind yourself it’s just a thought, not a fact. Then, ask yourself, what can I do instead of surrendering to fear that will actually get me closer to my goals?

When you learn how to do that, anything will be possible.

I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you.

Maya ❤️